Humour Posts

11 posts tagged with humour

I am a Billionaire!

This is what $50 billion looks like.

My little sister has returned from her travels in darkest Africa and has brought back great treasures indeed. Behold, the $50,000,000,000 note! And I didn't even need to help a Nigerian widow transfer the money out of the country.

I know what you are thinking – it's great to be wealthy, but what about all the begging letters? Well, I guess I can stop sending them now.

Live your life by the Tao of Python

As a Godless heathen, I have no scripture from which to guide me in my day-to-day life, and I must look for meaning elsewhere. I believe I have found that meaning in the most unlikely of places; the Python shell. If you enter import this in to the Python interpreter, it will reveal to you an ancient wisdom in the guise of a collection guidelines for the Python language.

I have studied these words for many years and have come to believe that they are in fact guidelines for living a fulfilling and successful life. continue reading…

What we have here, is a failure to communicate!

It's not easy being a Scotsman in England. Some of the locals have difficulty understanding my accent. I'm living in Oxford now, but it was the same in London. Recently, I had trouble ordering a coffee...

Me: Hi. I would like a tall white Americano to take away please.

Coffee guy: (shouts) Tall black Americano to go.

Me: Sorry, white.

Coffee guy: (shouts) Two Americanos to go.

Me: No, no. A white Americano.

Coffee guy: Both white, or just one?


You heard it here first!

They say that in every day, you will use at least one sentence that has never been uttered before. I think this may be true of the Internet as well. According to google, the phrase 'telepods of doom' was used on the Internet for the very first time by me! Now if only I could somehow get it in to common usage and be immortalized... Telepods of doom you later!

Analysis paralysis

I pride myself in my ability to make decisions. If I have all the variables and criteria then I can typically select the best course of action, or at least a good choice of action. As an engineer, this is invaluable because most problems in software development are of this type; you have all the facts and a desired outcome. If you meet the desired outcome, then you can safely say that you made the right decision. If not you can go back and try again. continue reading…

Happy New Year!

What do you mean its not the new year? Yesterday was 32 AW, today is 33 AW. That's After Will. Which also makes it my birthday. continue reading…


Normally I detest Internet phenomenas - I still don't know what that 'all your bases' nonsense was about. So I apologise in advanced for having stooped so low as to contribute to the current internet fad. For your viewing pleasure, here are the first two 'loltriops'.

Numbers don't lie

My triops hatched today. I am now the proud father of four tiny crustaceans, and there are more on the way. They are barely visible - just little white specs, but I can make out a pair of swimmerets.

Apparently they double in size every day. They are about a millimeter in length at the moment, so by this time tomorrow they will be 2 millimeters long. They live about 60 days, so eventualy they will be 2 to the power of 60 millitmeters in length. Let's see... thats 1,152,921,504,606,846,976 millimeters, 1,152,921,504,606,846 meters or 1,152,921,504,606 kilometers (*). Oh. My. God. We're gonna need a bigger boat.

* For Americans, that's 716,392,209,599 miles

I am the next stage in human evolution

I've been thinking about genetics recently. I have red hair and fair skin (if I were any more pale I would be transparent). As well as giving me a fiery temper, the red hair gene reduces production of the skin pigment melanin, which provides protection from the sun. Consequently I burn easily, and the closest I ever come to a tan is when freckles join up. This may make you wonder why such a trait would ever exist in the population. continue reading…

Snakes. Why did it have to be snakes?

If anyone wants the aforementioned rubber serpent, then let me know. I want to get rid of it before it starts leaving little rubber droppings behind the television. I'll even post it to you for free (UK only). On the condition that you have kids and you're not just a geek with an inner-child.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to get back to day-job, which is something that we adults have to do.